Jareth and Sarah the Reality
by Amazonian21
Summary: A conversation between our two favorite people providing some insights. Goofy. COMPLETE


Heh, yeah, I don't know whether to duck peaches in advance, but I thought this was a fun story to write. I like the humor, especially when it is aimed at all our favorite quirks in the movie. I got inspiration from several fics, including Kei Tree's "Twister". There are several out there really worth reading. Sorry if I've stepped into anyone's realm. Anyway, enjoy and review.

Disclaimers all apply, especially the ones that say I get no money from this.

Jareth and Sarah, a Cruel Reality

"Hello Sarah."

"Jareth, can't you see I'm busy writing? Now is not the time to come slinking into my room. Don't bother to drape yourself across my bed tonight; you know you don't turn me on anymore. The thrill is gone."

"Really, Sarah, I'm hurt. You act almost unhappy to see me. And I know that wouldn't be the case, since most people would love to have this extraordinary chance."

"Heh, yeah, I know it. There are a million and two fan sites all dedicated to inflating that horrible ego of yours. And you owe that to me. You're lucky I decided to write that screenplay."

"Oh, come now Sarah, luck had nothing to do with it. You were overwhelmed by my Labyrinth and all the adventures you had there. Writing it down so it could be made into that movie was inevitable for you. You should be thanking me for the fame you've received out of this."

"Oh, like you didn't receive more? No one cares about the young authoress who writes fantastical novels. All they want to read about is the sexy, alluring Goblin King. People started to believe in you again, girls started mailing you their underwear, virgins tremble in your presence… It's everything you've ever wanted."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I can't walk into a store without people accosting me, begging me to take them somewhere to dance in big poofy dresses. Girls _and_ guys ask for this, Sarah, girls _and_ guys. For some reason there's a large population of people that think me gay."

"Well, I offered to change the description of some of your outfits, but you had to be so stubborn…."

"There is nothing wrong with any of my outfits! They practically REEK masculinity."

"Yeah, they reek alright…"

"What was that? Quit mumbling. I know you weren't saying anything nice just them. Keep all your rudeness to yourself. Besides, you don't know how hard you've made my job by publishing that little story of yours."

"Oh yeah, how did I make it hard? More people than ever are wishing away children. I would think that would make you happy, keep you entertained, provide a healthy Goblin population…"

"No! It's terrible. Every time I go into a room to take a child and I find myself duped. They put some innocent baby out in the open as bait, and then some pretty young thing will pretend to be scared so I come in closer. Then, out of nowhere, I'm ambushed by hundreds of horny 15-year-old Listians! Quit laughing, they pull hair! And, what's even worse, they all have a tights fixation. I won't even go into details with you on that one. Let's just say that rabid fans give a whole new meaning to "manhandling."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, so don't be so sure that I'm in a Heaven of bliss."

"Oh whatever, Jareth, quit acting so put upon. I happened to receive fan mail from a girl in England last week full of praise for your… prowess. I've gotten tons of them, mostly fake, but this one seemed genuine. She mentioned a certain hidden birthmark of yours that was NOT a part of my children's movie. How would she have discovered it, I wonder?"

"I don't know what you mean. The girl was obviously dreaming."

"Yeah, sure. Come off it Jareth, you're a big man-whore and we both know it."

"I resent that! What impudence! How dare you act so disrespectfully to a member of the Fae Aristocracy! Your speculations into my love life are way out of line."

"Come off it Goblin Boy. This is America. The closest thing to royalty we have are movie stars. Now, if you'd been someone like Tom Hanks or Harrison Ford I would have shown a little more respect. But you're just a monarch without a throne here in the Aboveground. And in spite of what you may think, you're at my mercy."

"What do you mean? Do you presume to threaten me?"

"Whoah, easy there Chia Head. I'm not threatening, so you can just sit down again and quit trying to intimidate me. I know that you think that shows of lightning and thunder are awe-inspiring, but I've put up with it for five years now. It's kind of lost its ability to inspire terror. All I was getting at is that I'm currently working on another novel in the Labyrinth series. If you keep giving me attitude I may have to write in a confession involving you, socks, and the aforementioned tights."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh wouldn't I? It would cause quite a stir, and would only help publicity for me. More money, all that goodness."

"You're a monster."

"No, I just know your Kryptonite."

"Well, you certainly do like to torment me in those stories of yours, so I guess one more embarrassment wouldn't be anything I haven't dealt with before."

"What are you talking about?"

"My dear whiney girl, I'm referring to the way that you insist on portraying me as sinister and filled with bad intent. You know that I am not so wicked. In fact, I would have to describe myself as more… capricious. I never really offered you any harm throughout my maze, and was never anything other than playful. The game may have gotten more intense at certain points, but it was all still a game."

"Well, sorry, but there's no proper angst in playfulness. My audience doesn't want a Goblin King who poses no real threat. Believe me, I know. I tried writing a fic where everybody is honest with their feelings, no one flies off the handle at slight provocation, people admit it when they're in love without any inner turmoil, and first kisses don't knock the world for a loop. They don't like 'em. Those Listians, my audience, crave that insane tortured sexual tension and foreplay. That's why I rewrote the ending to our encounter."

"I still don't know why you did that. The reality was fine."

"Jareth, when I jumped off the ledge and met you at the bottom you said, 'Bum luck for me. Guess that means I've lost, right? Hey, how about I send your brother home and you hang out here. I could teach you how to drop-kick goblins.'"

"I still think you'd enjoy that."

"Maybe, but it wasn't very impressive. My way is much more beautiful, bringing in elements of maturity, self sacrifice, love, hate, good verses evil, all of those things."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're wonderful. It _is_ kind of nice to have beautiful young women telling me what a fool you were to resist me. They all would willingly accept what you so heartlessly threw away in your little story."

"Well, if they knew that your idea of showing a girl a good time included all night Battleship competitions and burping contests they might change their minds."

"That contest only happened once, and I still think it was your idea in the first place. And you like Battleship. You're not being very fair. You know full well that I have an amazing romantic side. I did, after all, craft that whole ballroom dream of yours. I was fantastically dashing. Girls obsess over that part more than the ending you came up with."

"Not true. I'd say it's a tie. But I will admit that you did create a pretty cool illusion there. Weird dress, but cool illusion."

"That dress was not weird! Any girl would kill for a dress like that! I know, they all tell me every freaking day! Why do you have to attack my fashion sense?"

"Man, I can tell I've struck a nerve. You're starting to talk in the unpolished tones of us Abovegrounders. Since when did you ever say 'freaking'? Have you been faking that nice, sensuous accent of yours all this time?"

"You did not answer my question. Why do you pick on my clothes?"

"Jareth, I ran your maze in a poet's blouse and a vest. They were very stylish then, but times have changed. Fashions change. Your hair would have looked fine on an 80's rock star, but it's past its prime now. It's time to retire the fluff-mullet and live in the now."

"If I cut my hair you would lose half of your fan base. They love my luxurious locks."

"I think that they're, 'tawny', 'silvery', 'silken', or 'cascading', if memory serves me correctly- all terms I am very tired of reading. Almost as tired as seeing my locks labeled 'sable'. What the hell is sable, anyway? It could be one of three colors, including a pukey greenish brown. At least you get nice adjectives."

"Precisely. The women adore a man who's not ashamed to use styling products, and they love the spikes. Chicks dig volume."

"Okay, you're out of here. Your corrupted speaking is conflicting with my portrayal of you in this book. I don't want reality to barge in any more than it has to. Why are you here anyway? You never told me."

"Well, I am on my way to a concert and don't know how to find the venue."

"Which concert? If it's the one I think it is…"

"David Bowie's, actually."

"JARETH, you WILL take ME with YOU to THAT concert!"

"I can't, I only have one ticket, and you called me a fluff mullet."

"Dang it, Jareth, you know how much I adore that man! You don't even like him! You threw a tantrum when you found out he was going to play you in the movie. You sulked throughout the entire production until you saw the end results. Let me have it, please!"

I would think that, since you worked with him on the movie and all, he would get you tickets himself."

"You know very well that he wouldn't."

"Oh yes, and why is that again?"

"I don't remember."

"Oh, so evasive. I seem to recall a certain young woman exhibiting behaviors that deserved 'stalker' status towards a certain rock icon."

"Sheesh, you mail a few letters, wait outside a man's dressing room constantly, tap an email account or two and they call you obsessed. It's not fair."

"Yeah, yeah, we all know about fairness. Tell you what, I'll make you a deal. I'll procure another ticket for you, in good seats, if you promise that from now on my tights are safe from unfavorable commentary."

"SQUEEEEE! You'll take me with you! Deal! I won't even make fun of your hair and makeup, or clothes, for at least a month!"

"Well then, that sounds like a good proposition to me. I accept. Shall we?"

"Yes, Goblin King, I think we shall. Man, I hope Bowie doesn't still have that restraining order against me."

Thank you, and good night. Please, leave a little sumthin sumthin behind.


End file.
